She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
