It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
