Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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