He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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