a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize