Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
