he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i dont even know how to be here
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
