if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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