it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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