Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
