Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
