The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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