Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
