This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sext me about skeletons
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
