This is not my ceiling
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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