I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
