hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your cock deserves a montage
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
