please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
