i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
