i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
