He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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