I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
