My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
