so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
