Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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