I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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