i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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