and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
