just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
