i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
