By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
