Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
