The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
