Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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