Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
