I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
