I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ttyl tear gas
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
