dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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