I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
