my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
