his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
