I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
