So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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