I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
