I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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