If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
JƤgerbombs. Thank Sara.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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