Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
