Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
