the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
