he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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