Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Operation Purity has been aborted
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize