I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
