right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
