It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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