i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize