Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
