I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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