i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
