He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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