Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
