Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please don't give away my fajitas
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
